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A Kittah

1.First, raise the kittah to your lap and hold it on your left arm like you would hold a baby. Set your right index finger and thumb to the both sides of kittahs mouth and press kittah's cheeks gently while you keep the pill in your right hand. When kittah opens it's mouth, drop the pill. Let the kittah close it's mouth and swallow.

2.Take the pill of the ground and get the kittah from behind the couch. Hold the kittah on your left arm and do the first phase again. Get the kittah away from the bedroom and throw away the softened pill.

3.Take new pill from the box and hold the kittah on your left arm and grap it's feet firmly with your left arm. Force kittahs mouse open and push the pill into the back of the mouth with your right index finger. Keep kittahs mouse closed and count to ten.

4.Pick the pill from the aquarium and take the kittah away from the top of the closet. Yell your spouse inside from the yard.

5.Knee down on the floor while holding the kittah firmly tied between your knees and holding both front and back feet. Don't care about kittahs moaning. Ask your spouse to grap the kittahs head and hold it firmly while you try to put a ruler into kittahs mouse. Now roll the pill into kittahs mouse using the ruler and rub kittahs throught.

6.Get the kittah of from the curtain holder and take a new pill from the box. Write down a note of bying a new ruler and fixing the curtains. Sweep broken decoration items from the furnace and put those to table to be fixed later.

7.Wrap the kittah into a big towel and ask your spouse to lie on the kittah so it's head can be barely seen under the spouses armpit. Put the pill into far end of a straw and force the kittahs mouse open with a pencil and blow to the straw.

8.Make sure that the pill isn't dangerous for human. Drink a glass of water so you can get rid of the taste. Put a bandage to your spouses arm and wash the blood off the carpet with cold water and soap. Get the kittah from neighbours garage.

9.Take a new pill. Put the kittah into a closet and close the doors so the neck of the kittah gets stuck and head will stay out. Force the mouth open with a spoon. Shoot the pill into kittahs mouse with a sling.

10. Get screwdriver from the toolbox and screw the door back to it's hinges. Put some cold ice to your cheek and check if your tetanus-inculation is still functional. Throw your t-shirt to trash-bin and get another t-shirt from the bedroom. Call firemen to get your kittah off the tree from the other side of the road. Say that you are sorry to your neighbour, who hit a fence while trying to avoid stamping the kittah.

11. Take the last pill from the box. Tie kittahs front and back feet together with copper-wire and tie it to your desk. Find thick gloves from the shed. Force the kittahs mouse open with a small wrench. Push the pill into kittahs mouth and throw in a big pile of meat. Hold kittahs head in upwright-position and pour half litres of water so the pill will flush down.

12.Ask your spouse to take you to first-aid and sit quietly down when doctor stiches your finger and arm and removes the pill from your right eye. During your trip back home, go buy a new desk from the local shop.

13. Call the vet and ask him to come for a home visit.

A dog

1. Wrap a slice of beacon around the pill.

2. Feed it to the dog

   
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